Sunday, November 17, 2013

Pumpkin Spice Lattes Can Eat My Poo!

The Pumpkin Spice Latte can eat my poo. So can pumpkin muffins, cheesecakes, and pumpkin chocolate chip cookies (talk about a great way to ruin a great cookie.)  So can all the trendy douche foods, like red velvet cake. Ooh, it's cake with a whole bottle of red food coloring in it and just enough cocoa to cover up the nasty chemical taste of the dye.

Eat my poo red velvet cake.

You realize that it isn't really the pumpkin that gives that stupid latte it's flavor right? It's the spices. Just sprinkle some fucking pumpkin pie spice on your overpriced (and over roasted) coffee and shut the fuck up already.

For the last few years every time Autumn rolls around and suddenly it is pumpkin this, and pumpkin that. Fuck Pumpkins. Pumpkin pie has always been the nastiest part of Thanksgiving. It's like orange poop mixed with sugar and dumped in a pie crust. Yargh.

Yesterday I tried to buy some cranberry-orange muffins at Safeway. But they only had them in a 4 pack that was half Cranberry-Orange, half Pumpkin. Fuck you Safeway - don't try to shove your nasty pumpkin muffins down my throat.

Safeway can eat my poo.

The vegans are whining that the Pumpkin Latte isn't vegan. Shut up, Vegans. You shouldn't be supporting a company like Starbucks anyway. Why don't you take your high-minded holier than thou selves down to a LOCALLY owned coffee-shop and drink some fair trade coffee instead of whining that you can't get your mass-produced seasonal cup of diarrhea from the mega-chain that's on every corner (and got there by driving out local business.)

Eat my poo whining vegans.

Oh, and you don't have a problem with gluten either, so eat my gluten filled poo.

(If you have celiac disease, you don't have to eat my poo.)

In closing I would just like to tell everyone to eat my poo.